A Day of Horrible Lists

Not all of the lists we have to make are good. This was shown to us all in a most horrific way last Monday (April 16, 2007) when a tradgedy we never could have imagined unfolded at Virginia Tech. Before it was over, 32 innocent people had lost their lives and a 33rd, the shooter had committed suicide after committing such carnage. What kind of lists must he have been making over the last several months or maybe years to arrive at this disastrous end?!!

As we look over this list of incredbibly talented, gifted, giving and wonderful people, (http://www.nytimes.com/ref/us/20070418_VICTIMS_GRAPHIC.html) one must question...why? What caused a person who was born to a family just like the others to believe that this was the only way? One may talk of his childhood, a life that might not have had the love he deserved or the fact that he was an immigrant that had been taunted through his school years; but a look at the list of victims seems to contridict that.

Henry Lee, a freshman, had immigrated from China during his elementary school years. He came her much like Cho, not knowing any English and most likely going through much of the same things as Cho. He did not grow up to shoot and kill...he was the salutatorian of his graduating class and by all accounts, an incredibly gifted and wonderful person.

Liviu Librescu, the 75 year old senior researcher and professor was a Holocaust survivor. He undoubtedly has endured and witnessed unspeakable acts of hatred, torutre and murder...a reason some might say could have warranted the acts of a madman, yet he chose to live a good life and in the end gave that very life to save his students.

Every person on this list is incredibly gifted, giving and it seems to be...very special people that we have lost much too soon and in a way no one should ever have to die. The list does not discrimate...it includes men and women, young and old, professor and student, black and white and people from at least seven other countries. This is a list we should never have to comprise.

Now, somehow, we must all find a way to go on. I can never imagine how these families will gather the strength to do that. I know the power must come from someone greater than we and I know the support and prayers of a world are lifting them up. I know each of these families must have a list written on their hearts of memories shared with a child, a spouse, a mother or father and in time, I hope this will be something that can bring them comfort and joy.

I will close this with a link to the blog of very precious friend. She wrote this last week after what happened. I am sure it will touch you as it has me.

http://playfulmama.blogspot.com/2007/04/some-mother-somewhere.html#comments

May we pray that this will be the last time we have to ever make a list like this. May our lists be full instead of random acts of kindness, friendships, miracles and love. May we each reach out to that person who may be a little different and who might be struggling. May we teach our children love rather than hatred...acceptance rather than discrimination. We can change the world and in the words of that spirted author and poet, Nikki Giovanni...WE WILL PREVAIL!

There is a light at the end of the renovation tunnel!

Lose weight...

This lovely item has been on my list, I think, since birth. I've certainly "done" it more than once but it's never completely crossed off my list. Once, about 15 years ago at the 30 year mark, I went on a liquid diet (like Oprah) and drank nothing but milkshakes for 10 months and lost 140 pounds. I was a size 6 for literally about a minute and in time...I filled my shape back out to what it had always been. It was nice to be and see what I would look like as a size 6, but honestly, it was probably one of the worst things I ever could have done...for my body and my psyche. It totally screwed with the little bit of metabolism I might have ever had hope for and it probably did even worse things for my mind as I watched the pounds coming back on, feeling like a total failure.

I have to say though that in the years since that time, I find that although I still and probably always will battle with weight, I am happy with me now. I know this is me and that the shape of my body does not define who I am, what I can do or where I will go in life. I realize that being size 5 doesn't mean your world is perfect and that actually being size 22 sometimes is actually better. You have to work harder and actually prove yourself to triumph above all of the snobs out there that want to judge people on how they look, forgetting that there is WAY more in a person and what they have to offer. This makes you a stronger person in a lot of ways.

I am confident now and I like me. It's nice if other people do, but I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. I am the best I can be and I'll keep trying to do better...at everything in my life...it's just that I won't let me weight be what defines me.

If I can teach that to my 5 year old daughter and make sure that she knows how important she is, I'll have accomplished the most important thing I have to do. I fought feeling insecure, shy and introverted most of my life. My daughter is a social butterfly and has one of the best examples of self-confidence I have ever seen. I couldn't be more thrilled and I am so proud of her. I've no doubt she'll go far...she's 40 years ahead of me!

I'm way over being a size 6...for now, I'd thrill to wear a size 16...I'd even be glad to wear the tag so everyone would know. Like I just read in PEOPLE, "I look fabulous," Jennifer Hudson declares, "if I do say so myself." Ugly Betty's American Ferrera in her emotional speech after winning the Golden Globe said, "I hear from young girls on a daily basis how [my character] makes them feel worthy and lovable and that they have more to offer the world than they thought." As PEOPLE writes, "Will the success of Ferrera, 22, and Hudson, 25, [both Golden Globe winners] help redefine the face-and body- of Hollywood stardom?" One can only hope!!! And I'll end with this quote from Ferrera's costar, Vanessa Williams: "we're showing that a leading lady can be curvy, beautiful and funny. Curvy women are kicking ass!"
AMEN, sister!!

I can't wait until I'm caught up and have enough time to make a list of what I need to do.

This is a quote from a calendar that my sister gave to me for Christmas. Not so ironically, it was from one of those "Women Who Do Too Much" calendars. So far, this is my favorite quote from it. I find myself more caught up in lists every day and the other night as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I could find no sheep to count, only millions of little 'to do' bugs bouncing around in my brain. Finally I wrote out a paper list by the light of my telephone screen, so as not to disturb my husband. After that I went to sleep...I even got 5 hours of sleep before i had to get up and start on my list.

Today school is out. I had, as usual, so many grandiose plans of what I might accomplish. I ended up helping my 5 year old daughter finish up a poster for a contest entry for Virginia 529 College Savings plan. Then she wanted to deliver it in person to a big building downtown, braving wind and hills and conquering parallel parking in a space way far away. Then I took my mom shopping and just made it in time for gymnastics. So much for a 'day off'.

You'd think after all of this time, I might realize I can't conquer Rome in a day, but somehow I keep trying. My best friend told me the other day that I need to focus all my scattered energies on one thing and just think of what I could accomplish. She is SO right and I plan to do that...as soon as I finish my lists. (She's also the one who calls me a "Renaissance Women" because I seem to know how to do a little bit of everything. She's the best!) Now, on top of all of that, I think i just might have time to have a blog! HA!!!

Anyway, thanks for stopping by. Writing's always kind of been my escape and the older I get, the more I find myself being drawn to it. So, hey, thanks Kristen for that email link http://kristismess.blogspot.com/2006/12/i-do-nothing-as-far-as-you-can-tell.html that led me here. I could really relate to it and then I thought...if she can do all that and write a blog too...so can I.

I also have to give a little credit to another blogger that I've been 'stalking' for awhile too. www.jenlemen.com She's phenomenal! Her writing and art and all of that stuff are so incredible!! She's the queen of all of this....I'm but a mere peasant...